A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They start heading down the alley where the bulls are kept. A sign in front of the first bull says: “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year! You could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and that sign states: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”

The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That’s over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, big time.”

They proceed to the last bull and his sign reads: “This bull mated 365 times last year.”

The wife’s mouth drops open as she gasps, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That’s ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one!”

The man turns to his wife and says, “Yeah, okay. Go on up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

1. DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according
to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada
sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you
are doing well financially and therefore you do not
need a raise.

2. SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.

3. SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an
employee here, you need all your organs. You should
not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of
employment.

4. PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

5. VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time
every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1,
July 4, and December 25.

6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers.
Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend
to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one
hour early, provided your work is done.

7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require
at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train
your own replacement.

8. RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
In the future, we will follow the practice of going once
each day, in alphabetical order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A’
will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin
with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be
necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may
swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’
supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time
limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, and the stall door will open.

9. LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to
eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size
people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance
meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people
get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three
wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s
gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep.

“I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.”
Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says,”I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Finding:
Always let your boss have the first say.

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
car,
he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember Psalm
129?” The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced
himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes
from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” Once again the
priest apologized. “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It Said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Finding:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity!

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says,”I’ll give you 800 dollars to drop
that towel that you have on.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps up in the
towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her
husband asks from the shower “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the 800 dollars
he owes me?”

Finding:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time
with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.